When You Burn A Forest Part 7/Syv
Cascading around us like a sugar dusting of lasting proportions, winter came and brought us snows. I had been watching her more and more and I was beginning to wonder. The thoughts going through my mind were very serious indeed. We had now spent much time together and no time apart. Living inside of that bubble where you create convergent realities, can change your thought process quickly.
This was about the same time as UDI had really started to pick a fight with me. They were not corresponding through mail, but I was going to see them frequently and no progress was being made on my case. It was becoming frustrating because throughout the beloved dog and pony show I was performing for them, the conductors never seemed to be remotely satisfied with my hoop jumping and whatnot. It was not a terribly pressing issue yet, but was getting there. Sitting next to here on the couch, I noticed she was about to leave. I will never forget the moment. She made it about 2 steps out the door, I was about to close the door. I had the moment right there but I was too scared to say something. “ I will see you later!” I said.
Damn, man get it out there. Too stupid to seize the moment. She went away for the day to work. I was left alone at home. After a few hours of watching the television, I started to get bored. Very bored. Trying to regulate my sleeping schedule to her’s was going to take some time for me. I wanted to sleep but that would lock me in another week of keeping my unorthodox hours. Wandering around the room, there was a small wooden box I had noticed. This dark box rested upon the second shelf, along with an ever-changing cycle of knicknacks. 98% of everything we had in the room was hers. I came with the clothes on my back and little else. I had some random crap I had toted back from Danmark as well, but that was all contained in a plastic shopping bag. Opening the box there was a small cache. There were a few different kind of pharmaceuticals. Having a bit of experience with them, I noticed none looked to be of the caliber I knew was to do something worthwile. A half of a certain kind caught my eye. I had seen these before. They had a name unlike anything familiar to me. Usually names were different here and unlike across the cesspool. It began with an “S”, that’s all I remembered. Had I taken too much, she would notice. Examining the small white half, I thought “Do it.” then “No way, it’s her’s.” Feeling a little defiant, I opened my mouth. “Nooo, what are you thinking?” You don’t need this. My heart was racing. You went years without things like this. To begin again would be regressing to an entire era you spent years closing. Plus it would collapse me back to painful memories of dead friends. I put it back. Whoa! That was close. It was extremely tempting and I had a feeling I had never wrapped my mind around one of those before. Feeling rather respectful and concrete, I was proud of myself. Will power had reigned supreme.
A few days later word had been reached that the case from UDI had migrated to a southern place. They had informed me I was to jump ship and scurry my way back. There was no fucking way I was going to leave. She was the geographical center of my new world, and I was ready to go to war to stay with her. My freshly constructed life with my princess. I would have practised self-immolation in front of the world in our room before I was to leave her. It was not good news. How was I going to tell her this?: Uh, hello, I love you madly but now I must leave you? Those bastards weren’t going to break up this family. There had to be a better way.
If ever you have to have a serious discussion with a loved one, it can go a few ways: Either a total loss for the parties involved, thus creating pain, heart break, and devastation, or, Elation beyond human understanding and joy beyond comprehension. There usually is no middle ground. Ask anyone this and I am sure they would agree with you. Never really being nervous person, these days had a weird kind of nervousness to them. I was not down with having these kind of situations.
I began preparing for the worst. I was prepared to have to tell my parents I would be coming back to where I had came from originally. Although this beautiful and stunning new land along with the undisputed love of my life was my home, they were out for blood. Starting to pace nervously around the bedroom, I wanted to scream. How could they do this? I was such a good boy. Breaking up a family? She came home from work and I just looked at her. Trying to maintain absolute calm was killing me further. “I have something I have to tell you.” Anybody that hears that starts to fear for the worst. For the majority who have not mastered their fears. A sharp terror immediately sets in. “What do you have to tell me?” She asked. “Oh no.” I started to cry. “ I have to leave you. They want me to go back.” “What?” she said in total disbelief. “Yes, I am afraid it’s true.” “I have about a month left.” “Shit! No! They cannot!” She thundered. “Well then, what shall we do?” “I love you and I don’t want to leave you.” I said. “I want to stay with you.” I was sobbing like a child who had just wrecked his favorite bicycle. “Well, should we get married?” she asked. “Are you serious?” A flash of the future of us being old in some village shot through my mind. It was a comforting thought. It did not scare me in the least. Wow, who would have though that? 2 years prior I had told myself I would join the ISM if I wasn’t married by 30. Maybe we could stand in front of Israeli bulldozers together? The sky’s the limit. Or is it? I did know we were destined for a love that would never die, but gather strength like a juggernaut as the years progressed. Although I would have been happy with her in Mogadishu, I had decided this was a logical next step for us. We were in love after all. I was getting ready to spend the rest of my life with her. I stopped sobbing and started to giggle a bit…